Since I started my business, there has been one “issue” that I have been trying to push under the carpet, with the hope that the dirt would just disappear. That “issue” is the necessity of doing public speaking about my stories and the message of MY RETURN. I truly fear the judgment of my performance from specific people. I was told I need to do my own videos, podcasts, or go live on Facebook because it is important to share my story and connect with people. I have focused and put enormous effort into so many other aspects of the business—just in order to avoid doing public speaking. I was determined to be successful without it.
Most likely, the business still would have been successful, although that success would have taken much longer to achieve. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that my hesitation had nothing to do with being shy; there was something much bigger at hand, blocking me from my own spiritual growth. It was not the shyness that was stopping me, but rather, it was feeling small, incapable, and not good enough. I realized that, even as I was trying to help other women to see their value, all the while I was denying my own. I had let other people’s judgment stand in the way of my potential and my capability to help others. I couldn’t push this issue under the carpet anymore.
Before I went to bed, as always, I meditated. In my meditation, I saw myself growing huge, beautiful, bright, colorful butterfly wings. It felt wonderful and empowering; however, I could not fly, no matter how hard I tried. I woke up in the morning, puzzled, and wondered why I could not fly. It was clear to me that the wings represented my skills, talents, passions, and desires. I just could not understand why I could not fly, despite having grown wings; why was I unable to utilize the skills that I had finally recognized?
That afternoon, I shared my problem, and the result of the meditation, with my Spiritual Meet Up Group, Infinite Woman, organized by spiritual coach Tanna Marshal. I asked for clarity and support on this issue. During the healing process, I felt my heart becoming bigger, stronger, and more alive. Suddenly, all the veins running from the heart to the wings were flooded with lifeblood, carrying loving energy into the wings. My wings came alive, and I was able to fly! I realized that simply having “wings,” and just recognizing my skills and potential, wasn’t enough for me to be able to fly. In order for me to fly, my wings had to be brought to life by my own love—love for myself, and belief in my own skills and potential. Like a great singer with abundant talent, unless he truly believes in his own talent and sings confidently in front of an audience, his talent cannot take flight.
This gave me another opportunity for growth and learning to love myself. I learned that recognizing our value is not enough. We have to stand up and protect our value with love, and with no exception. Once I realized that my resistance to public speaking wasn’t shyness but the deeper issue, I made it my mission to heal it. I’d had enough of hiding: I wanted to fly. That was the moment when I decided, “Enough of being a caterpillar crawling on the ground! I want to fly, and it is time!”
“How does one become a butterfly?
They have to WANT TO LEARN to fly so much
that they are WILLING TO GIVE UP being a caterpillar.”
PS: Thank you Tanna @tannamarshall8w